Einstein's Brain

Price: $49.95

Yes, you can order Einstein's Brain right now, today, not the sections of human brain not for $99.95, not for $69.95 -- just $49.95, no money down, no stretch pay, just a check, cash, money order, or click on the buy now button for $49.95 will bring your very own Einstein's Brain to your door.

Imagine the shock and surprise on the faces of your friends when they find out you have Einstein's Brain, and you intend to use it. Be the first on your block to discover universal truths!

Here's how it works, friends...

The idea is really very simple. It relies on the use of humans by aliens from all over the galaxy and even from other dimensions. Humans have long been employed as unwitting agents of change toward higher levels of technology.

Their purpose for doing this is to bring humanity to a higher level of technology so that they can use this planet as a StarGate for inter-dimensional, trans-space and time travelers. In short, the motel association is, as usual, behind the move.

Every so often, when a technological jump is possible, aliens will attempt to reach some humans -- they are by no means particular about which ones, exactly, because to them, all humans look alike.

Some humans that they manage to reach can be changed, altered, by vibrations. This literally changes the DNA of the subject, and the results can be stupendous, as in the cases of Newton, Einstein and Tesla, all absolute geniuses beyond the scope and measure of human standards.

Einstein's brain -- the original, not the tiny intricate Quantum Device I'm peddling here, was removed from his body within seven hours of his death in 1955. It was then studied, photographed from every angle, dissected and the cubed pieces were encased in collodion blocks.

The remaining brain was then placed in a glass lab jar, which was carried around in the back of a professor's automobile for over 20 years, then finally sectioned and studied starting in 1978.

Einstein's Brain had notably larger numbers of glial cells than an ordinary brain. Glial cells won't make much difference in most parts of the brain, but in the left inferior parietal, they do -- that's where ideas get incorporated and synthesized, mixed and remixed, and that's what Einstein was really good at doing, like Stephen Hawking and Nicola Tesla.

The main alteration made by the aliens by hitting the body with an electrical surging force, generally some sort of powerful electrical shock, combined with a blow to the cerebral cortex always results in a noticeable rift in the Sylvian fissure, which allows neurons to communicate better, and allows unusual patterns of thought and behavior, thus changing some "lucky" otherwise ordinary humans into super-geniuses and rocket scientists, and there are tens of thousands of "Changed Ones" in every generation, and you may well be one of them without knowing it.

Changed Ones don't seem to have any idea that they are unusual, and in fact tend not to notice or take part in the social world around them. Nothing else interests them except the Thought Experiments they make all day, every day, toward what end, they do not know.

The aliens know, but they're not telling.

I also know, but by Federation Law, as well you know, I am not allowed to say. The fact remains that aliens influence humanity by changing people into super-geniuses to serve their ends, whatever they may be.

As I said, I know what they're up to, but they would stop at nothing to prevent me from telling you what it is. Frankly, in my opinion, it's none of my business. Listen, if a few aliens want to do what they have in mind to a few billion human beings, who am I to say they should ask first?

How can all this help you?

You don't really need a smarter brain, but some of the changes could do you good. It's nice to be able to instantly and comprehensibly understand the nature and purpose of creation, even if it's only a temporary and momentary vision.

Clarity can be important in the conduct of your daily life, and the gift of insight is always helpful in a business transaction. Real estate deals can benefit greatly from the Einstein Brain's deep level of understanding.

Of course, all this is useless without the corresponding compassion, and that's where this little beauty, the Einstein's Brain Pocket n' Pendant Charm comes in handy, but never mind the sales pitch, ladies & gentlemen, I'm prepared to make you an offer you can't afford to refuse.

Send today for the Einstein's Brain Pocket n' Pendant Charm for the low, low price of only $49.95. If you play chess, why not play super-genius against super-genius? Give one to all your friends and throw an Einstein's Brain party or convention.

GUARANTEE: YOUR MONEY BACK if you don't smarten up real fast after carrying one of these little suckers around for a week or two.

PLEASE NOTE: You need not sign a pledge, but it's understood that if you come up with a new patent for a cheap and efficient superweapon or marketable kitchen product, you'll cut me in for ten percent.

POST-POST-SCRIPT:

Don't let the joking around fool you. Einstein's Brain is one incredible work tool, and the deal really is two for $49.95, only twenty-five bucks each, which is at cost. The idea is to get these into peoples' hands so the aliens can take over...sorry, what I meant to say was, so they can help humanity uplift itself from the soil and into the stars, where they belong.

When all humans have emigrated from the Earth, we can get a little peace and quiet around here. There hasn't been a single day since the advent of humans when there wasn't a war somewhere.

Einstein's Brain is a tiny amuletic charm that opens you up to higher influences, and allows them to change you into a dedicated work person with special powers of thought, concentration and higher levels of energy.

You also get a boost in personal atmosphere, confidence, self-control and high attention, all of which goes with the territory, if you accept the mission, which is strictly Bodhisattvic -- none of this is for you personally.

All the extra brain power and the few slight supernatural powers serve the work-purpose, not YOUR personal purpose, and the usual limitations apply, ie; should you succumb to the temptation to use those things for your own personal benefit, guess what happens?

Einstein's Brain Pocket n' Pendant Charm can be carried in a pocket, purse or worn as a pendant. Two of them can be worn as earrings. They are lightweight and can be worn in the bath or shower, if you don't mind that they then tend to stop working.

Again, my little humor-bug has crept out. I'm joking about wearing the charm in the shower. Of course it will continue to work, but it will add a codicil, to wit: "This idiot bathes with jewelry on."

This, of course, disqualifies you from the Hindu Heaven. You are required to learn and understand EVERYTHING about Planet Earth before you can pass on to higher realms, so you must answer The Objective Question, the same question that is asked but unvoiced by the world-famous Sphinx, built by aliens in 8500 B.C.:

"What is the capital of South Dakota?"

Most people will answer "Fargo", but Fargo is the capital of North Dakota, not South Dakota. Pierre is the capital of South Dakota, remains obscure and unknown to most, and is therefore the primary question that must be answered correctly before the soul can pass to the next higher level.

That question, asked just after your spirit has left the body, has tripped up more soul voyagers than any other pop quiz question in the Apres-Vie, so be on guard, be prepared! Remember, it's not Fargo, it's Pierre, and you'll be all right.

See You At The Top!!!

gorby